5am.
drunk.
asked me to cab there, you pay.
tell me so much stuff thats hard to believe.
told me to wake you up at 10.
next day.
you forgot that you even called me.

fuck it, im tired of telling people that im happy for you.
Ive been bullshitting since November 11, 2009.
You promised me that you would never leave me.
I know i shouldnt be surprised, I told you people always walk out on me and walk out of my life..
Thing is.. I wasnt expecting you to be one of them. You told me you wanted to be with me forever,see me graduate, have kids together, live in california together, you wanted to be there. I was fooled. Dont get me wrong, I dont hate you.. more like.. upset and dissappointed. It also makes me wonder if you meant everything you told me.. from how much you love me.. to the point of you never wanted to lose me. I guess the "never wanting to lose me" part wasnt true. You promised me that the thing that happened during the summer would never happen again, Remember?. You told me that you loved me, You told me that u and her already broke up.. then you just leave me hanging and I find out you were still with her the whole time ?. After a couple of weeks, your girlfriend found out what have you been doing over the summer with other girls... Then after, you go back to me. Im a fool for thinking that you were over her.. so basically, im a rebound yeauh thats what i was. What i really want for christmas is to know if you meant anything that you told me.. and if you did.. which one ? .

You did everything for me, gave me everything i needed, told me everything i wanted to hear. I would love to hear those words of yours again, you've said the sweetest things that no other guy has ever told me ( literally ). The question is, are any of those true ? .. What happened to "ill be loving you for a long time,baby" or "baby, you have nothing to worry about" . I guess all of that, ddnt mean shit to you eh? Well thats just nice to know. I gave you everything that I could, my love.. my time.. even my body. I honestly thought you were gonna be there forever, with me and that you werent going to leave me anytime soon. I enjoyed everything that we did, and never regretted anything that happened or anything that we did. I love how you treated me as a little baby, and your princess. I love how you took good care of me, and made sure i was always alright. I'm sorry that I always compared you to other guys. Im sorry cause i always fought with you over silly things, i honestly did that on purpose cause i like the feeling of you chasing after. I told you that im the kind of girl who needs constant love and affection, and you gave me all of that.


Baby, i miss you so much... all the late night calls, i miss it when you pick me up from my house and bring me to school.. and after school i go to your house and we do our thaaang ;). Remember that night when you were bringing me back to my house and i was spazzing about my mom making me go home early.. and i said " i swear, my daughter would be allowed to go out till watever time she wants ".. and then you said " excuse me? you mean OUR daughter? .. and no shes not going to be allowed to go out till whenever.. Im picking her up from wherever she is " .. That strucked me,It made me even love you more. Remember when we fought cause you were buying me a puppy and we would pretend it was going to be OUR baby? haha, and we argued because you wanted to name our baby "baccardi" -.- HAHA ! like seriously.. why would you wanna name our kid after an alcoholic beverage ? LOL, your so funny baby ..i love you<3 . Oh my, this brings me back to when we agreed that I am going to be the one naming our kids.. "Natalia/Natalie Nicole " and " Jake Tyler or Justin Jake " .See baby ! my names are waaaay better :). HAHA !.. well anyways

Obviously, im upset that you ended things this way.. But yenno what ? looking back to our memmories.. I just wished i cherished you even more ! and treated you better! cause i wante dyou to remember us . I hope your really happy now in your ssituation with Kim Capila, Shees gorgeous! and shes lucky to have you baby... I Just want you to know that i'll always be here for you, and i know its going to be you for a long time.. and i mean it. Whenever you wanna try this out again ill always be willing to <3. First of all.. you ARE my first love, right?.

From promises to lies, to every tear drop that we cry.
The promises to care and understand each others lives.
From struggles at its worst, we said the love would never change.
Then why do I feel lied to every time its saying?
We said we had each other, unconditional love.
If this is what love is, then I think I’ve had enough.
The bullshit and the drama was nothing but wasted time.
This thing that we call love is just illusions of the mind.
All the smiles that we have is a story to be told,
But nothing in the world can make up for all this bull.
The problems that we faced there was something just reaching out,
We shoulda took the hint that this shit won't be working out.
I mean what have we been thinking, all those times we were together?
Did you really think that we would be in love forever?
At this very age we shouldn’t be playing this game.
Now I understand that love is pain.

Through these past few days, I’ve been reminiscing back.
It’s the first time I couldn't understand what we had.
Was it love? Was it passion? Was it all a waste of time?
Now it's hate, now it's pain, now it's all this shit combined.
I can't force myself to erase all our memories,
But when I’m thinking back I always feel like you fooled me.
Nobody to blame, but myself from being blinded.
Crying in my sleep, hoping this hurting passes by.
I’ve been told by my sisters how these guys are all the same
But you had me so convinced that my world suddenly changed,
'Cause you always made me smile, but a smile isn’t forever.
I thought we'd work it out like those other times before,
But the truth had to reveal, we cant live a lie no more.
I’m still young and I’m still trying to stay true to my heart.
My dreams have disappeared and now my life's scattered apart.

It's hard for me to look back because everytime I do, I always happen to see you. It's hard because through all the good times we've had, I focus on the painful memory. Even though it's one memory, that's what I remember most. That's what you've given me. And it's driving me insane, because no matter how much I want to erase it, I can't. Just seeing your face almost everyday brings me to tears, but I won't let them out. I don't want to let them out. Looking back and seeing me blind, I was stupid. A stupid girl, foolish. Foolish enough to believe your lies. And it's sort of crazy, because after that period of time, you still had me coming back for more. I didn't exactly leave because of you entirely. I left for myself. To see my smile again. To hear my laugh again. Well, now that I have it .. what do I do now?

Boy i'll give you space. In the closet where my clothes should be. In the empty bed without me. Now I'm walking out the front door. You got exactly what you asked for. Space. In your phone where it said my name. Where I took my picture out your frame. And I will be around when you figure out you got exactly what you asked for. Space. Where my kiss should be. Where your arms when they used to be holding me. In your car on the passenger side, there's an empty seat where I used to ride. Space. In your mind when you think of me, cause I'm about to be a memory. Now you've got your space.

Broken heartedness, all this emptiness, cause the difference between us wont improve.
I'm trying to find a way to bring back yesterday, love meant everything to you. We've been through so much i don't want us to end right here... I cant stand the thought of watching us disappear. I put my heart my soul my everything, into us.. I just cant see it so let us be. Got me trippin.. cause I'm in this craziness, should we leave it ? but I'm caught up in your mess. But we drifted, far from where we used to be .. wish i could let go, but i cant seem to get over you. Just a single touch between the two of us , you used to mean so much . Reality is here, and its very clear.. I should let things go with you.